I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
