um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
