I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
