shes about as inviting as chlamydia
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
