i permit you to call me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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