Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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