I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
