Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Someone came in the potted fern
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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