Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
