True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
His nipple licking is glorious
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