the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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