Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
