I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
