I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
