Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
