went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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