At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
