If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
