Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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