You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
