smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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