I am puke
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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