When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
