Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
