Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize