if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
