plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's never too late to be topless.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
