this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
