You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
accomplished twins. life is a go
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
