just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
