I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
