Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
