DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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