i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
