So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
