It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
