This is not my ceiling
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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