Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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