1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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