Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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