i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
