I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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