Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
