Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
