youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
