I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
pop tarts are not kleenex
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
