So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
