Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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