I just cut my nipple shaving
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
soo... how was my night?
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