Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
where are my eyebrows?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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