i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
wow bdsm is so cute
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